I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
