Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
