1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
