He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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