she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
