thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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