i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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