Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
