hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
