oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
