i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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