Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
