My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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