I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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