Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
