Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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