the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
