I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize