Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
