don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
