I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
