Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
