just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
