it's too hot outside to masturbate.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
