At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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