Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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