I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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