Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
