He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
