He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize