you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
