Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
