Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
