see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize