Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
