A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
