5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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