I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
