The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
