Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
