I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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