One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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