STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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