Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
