id be glad to
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
