Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
