How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize