I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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