New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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