I hate all girls vehemently.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
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