alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
