omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
