I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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