the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's shark week go big or go home
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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