Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
