Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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