My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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