You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
