i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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