i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
