Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
