Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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