now i know why i became what i already was.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
