Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
