i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
