Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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