Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Let's get the cat blown out
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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