; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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