i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
