Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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