brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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