you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
