I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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