Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
